No Dry Heat here!

Yea, but its dry heat! These words have never been uttered in regards to a summer in Southern Illinois. I’m not sure what geographical feature here lends itself to this super high humidity. We are hundreds of miles away from the ocean. No mountain ranges that I have ever seen (remember, Mt. Belleville isn’t really a mountain). Why then, can you walk out of your home for a long weekend run at 6 AM and feel like you are going for a swim? I guess I need to suck it up a bit!

This weekend’s 12 miler was a tough one. I ran it really slow, and finished in one piece. But, man – it was hot! I almost pulled a “Janet Jackson” and had a major wardrobe malfunction. I guess it could be quantified as more of an equipment failure. I started out the door with a plastic water bottle in my hand, and a “GelBot” bottle in my waistband bottle holder. If you have read my previous posts, I am an equipment guy. If it can be bought and can give me an advantage (even a perceived advantage) I likely own it.

I think I bought my waistband bottle holder about a year ago, nothing remarkable here. However, the bottle that cam in it was a bit on the small side, so I opted for one of my larger bicycle bottles. Here’s where it gets cool. They make these cycling bottles called “GelBots”. Some genius combined the usefulness of a water bottle with the added benefit of a gel dispenser. Stem all the way up – you get water. Stem half way up – you suck hard and get gel (Gu in my case). Sounds pretty cool? It is – when it works.

Okay, I have tried Gu. I like the vanilla bean Gu. My only problem here is that I really don’t know if the stuff works. I guess by virtue of my still being alive, it must. But could this bean one of those magic little pills they sell that they make you think it works, but that it really does nothing at all? Who knows! At some half a couple of weeks ago, I got a sample of Hammer Gel – it really looks cute, it is gel in the shape of a little hammer. I took it along this weekend, when I ripped off the hammer head, it tasted like the stuff from jelly donuts. I thought I should have put a few donuts on a stick and ate them when needed.

Anyway, back to the GelBot problem. When I left the house, I felt a little water on my back by the bottle holder. No big deal I thought, I use them on the treadmill and they are notorious leakers. So off I trot, one bottle in hand, the other on the belt. Did I mention it was hot? I started hitting on the throwaway bottle about two miles in to the run. Sort of like a booster rocket being jettisoned once I got into orbit. The problem here was after four miles when I threw booster rocket one away, I discovered that booster rocket two had only about an inch of fuel left! Can you say crisis? Let me redress my throwaway comment for all of you “Greenies” out there. I sinned and littered. I am sorry. Tonight when I go for a golf cart ride, I will find a piece of trash to repent for my sin. Sort of like a “carbon offset credit” for water bottles.

So here I am, four miles in to a twelve-mile loop, two slurps of water left, and an outside temperature of 85 degrees. Think cool thoughts! I thought about the worst-case scenario. WWMGD? (What would McGiver do?) There were some farmhouses on my route. But who would open their door to a sweaty 200 pounder at 7 AM? There were a couple of creeks and pounds along the way, but god only knows who has been swimming in that stuff. I decided rather to do the only thing I really could do – just keep going! And keep going I did. Mile after sweaty mile until finally the finish line of my front mailbox was it sight. I had made it – I was alive. Pardon the pun, but this could have been a real watershed moment along my path to Chicago! I battled the road and came out victorious! Next time I will go out with a better hydration plan and will leave the GelBot back home!